Bad start to the week.

Well, what about that, it's Monday and I have already hit a brick wall. I planned on starting today off with looking for FHA loans. All was going well until, I found the local lender. Remember how I said my ex had caused me some problems? Well, those problems hit me head on this morning. Go figure right? Well, it just so happens that the only FHA lender in town, is also the place my ex filed bankruptcy against about 6 yrs ago. Now, how does that effect me? Well, he decided that since WE were purchasing this spot of land that WE would get a loan together. Now, mind you, he was a controlling imbecile who had to have his way or we all paid dearly. So, naturally, fearing what would happen if I fought putting my name on the loan, I sign my name. So, now if I so much as try to start a savings account or checking account I am faced with what he did. How is that for a turn of fate. So, now on to look for other options.

I have been searching this morning for other options to getting us a place to live. However, small towns turn up little to no options. It's kind of ironic I suppose, we can't afford to live here, but can't afford to move without help. UGH, where is the break for those who actually try to make their lives better. What is it with this country, do we need to start lying and stealing to get what we need? I mean how are people suppose to survive, feed their families, and so on, if they can't get help honestly. Sorry, my faith in God, is to strong to throw away on a lie to steal money from those who are in need. Yet those in need can't get a dime of help.

What makes me even more upset, is that people can convince others to help pay for their kids to do this or that, (i.e. pageants, camps) but kids who are on the verge of being homeless inside a car can't get squat!

It breaks my heart to sit here and look at my kids and not know where we are going to be living tomorrow, in a week or even in a month. I'm tired of telling them to "learn to live with it". They, nor any other child, should have to worry about things such as this, yet, my 9 year old will sit and cry her little eyes out because she want's to get away from here and away from the fighting that she faces due to two families trying to share a home. She tries so hard to be "strong for mommy" because she says that "mommy has dealt with enough from daddy mama and Aunt Courtney". At her age, her biggest worry should be what toy to play with, NOT, where will I have to live tomorrow. My kids, worry more about me being happy, then they worry about going to some stupid camp or if they will have something to eat for lunch. I'm tired of watching them being forced to grow up before they should have too. Is that fair for any child? NO!

My 6yr old keeps a tissue in his pocket because he says "mommy might need this", SIX YEARS OLD, and worries about mommy needing a tissue! Explain how this is fair? Explain how a 2 year old feels she needs to walk around saying "I'm sorry mommy" when she has no reason to be sorry!! Someone PLEASE explain this to me. I am constantly telling my kids that they need to be kids and not to worry about mommy, home, or anything other then what toy to play with. It doesn't change that they still worry, but at least I make sure they know they shouldn't worry about it. YET, my kids don't worry if they don't get everything they cry for. The aren't spoiled and can never be because I can't afford to spoil them. YET, I hear all of these parents complaining because they couldn't get their child this or that when they wanted it. My kids haven't even gotten so much as a gift for their birthdays this year. No toys on pay day, not special snacks, nothing like that. They don't complain, naturally, they ask, but understand when I tell them that we can't afford it.

Now, all you complainers who, worry about little things, why not take a walk in my shoes for one day. When your done, lets see how much you really worry about your child not getting the toys it's cried for all day, or the dessert that they wanted, or the name brand clothes. Lets see if you don't become thankful that they can be kids, they have a home, and they have what they NEED!